What your bottle opener says about you…

 
With all the buzz feed quizzes going around I thought I would take a shot and share my beliefs. This is my bottle opener fortune telling.

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1. Simple Corkscrew

You have arms of steel and you don’t need any help to remove your cork besides pure force of will. You’re a purist and an elitist, no leverage needed.

Hopefully, this isn’t your first time opening a bottle of wine or your screwed. Pun 100% intended. Don’t hurt yourself, kid.

 

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2. Winged Lever Pull Corkscrew

You probably want your wine, and you want it now, and a lot of it. Using a normal cork screw or a fancy contraption can cause problems and complications that you just don’t have time for. This bottle opener is perfect, place the circle on the lip, and you can’t miss. Even a drunk biddy can use this. Your parents probably gave you this when you turned 21.

If you’re not in college… Owning this bottle opener says your recycling bin is full of wine bottles after “book club” and “girl’s night” or even an average wine Wednesday.

 

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3. Advanced Lever Pull 

You are most likely a mature adult. The kind of woman (or man) who can manage to keep a few bottles of wine (unopened) for more than a few days. Maybe you are even so classy you have a wine cellar. You definitely don’t use this bottle opener on barefoot.

 

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4. Waiter’s Friend/ Wine Key

The few, the proud, the in industry purists or their allies. You don’t need any frills. You’re a pro. You trust the tried and true simple wine key and uncork with impressive lightning speed.  (This is my weapon of choice, in case you were wondering.)

 

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5.) Twist Style

My mom has this. I have no idea where she got it. I honestly didn’t believe it would work when I saw it for the first time. If you own this then you are wise beyond your years. You are patient for efficiency. You chose a bottle opener that works slow and steady from start to finish. You’re reliable. But since you chose such a fragile and light weight opener, don’t let anyone blame you for things that aren’t your fault (like when the bottle opener breaks).

 

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6.) Metal Slide Opener

You’re mysterious. I have no idea how this type of bottle opener could possibly work. You’re rustic and antique. You’re the Phantom of the Opera and MacGyver wrapped into one.

 

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7.) Mounted 

Not only did you have some extra cash to burn but you  drink enough wine that you decided to make your opener a permanent fixture in your home. It’s vitally important to you when it’t time to drink you that no time is wasted digging around in your drawer for your opener.

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8.) Electric 

You have a smart phone, a tablet, a laptop, hulu plus, netflix, hbo go, an electric can opener, a keurig, a rice cooker, a nut grinder, and a bunch of other electronic gadgets that are only good for one thing. You also probably have a twitter, tumber, blog, Facebook, linked in, and vine. You are 100% on the grid. You should probably consolidate your belongings or you will owe your friends more than beer and a pizza when they help you move.

 

9.) Champagne Sabor

You bought a bottle opener to open a bottle that doesn’t need an opener. You enjoy superfluous gadgets as long as they aid you in putting on a good show. You’re the life of the party and enjoy being in the limelight. Plus, you’re drinking champagne which makes you fancy.

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10.) Cutesie Version of Anything listed above

You probably drink from painted wine glasses and wear furry glass harnesses at wine festivals. You’re either under 25 or reading glasses are red and bedazzled. You most likely sleep with a stuffed animal or have a super sassy bumper sticker. You like to express your femininity and individuality in your favorite color and animal print. You’re a woo girl and there is nothing wrong with that. You go girl!

 

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4 thoughts on “What your bottle opener says about you…

  1. I’m a huge fan of the electric opener. Totally botched a few bottles the first few times I used one. After I got the hang of it, it worked great. Might be the lazy man’s way to open but I don’t mind.

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